tooby3 (tooby3) wrote,

Good night jasper

When Robbie and I first moved in together we shared a floor of an old warehouse in Fort Point with eight other artists. A woman named Becca lived across the hall. As things worked out, Becca eventually married an architect and moved to JP just before Robbie and I did. When we found out we were pregnant with Ry, we found out Becca and her husband Chris were also pregnant. We also learned then that their son had a heart defect.

It wasn't until Jasper was born--on November 25, only a couple of weeks after our son--that they were able to learn the severity of his condition. I followed Becca's blog, watching for news about Jasper, marveling at all she had to deal with while I was blessed with this healthy, normally developing child. It was humbling, grounding, embarrassing even. The moments when I would find my whining, crying, needy child intolerable, only to be reminded by her stories that she had never once seen her son smile. Never got to hear him say mama. Never saw him reach his arms towards her. While we struggled with sleepless nights from teething and growth spurts, Chris and Becca spent sleepless nights sharing a cot at Children's Hospital praying their son would survive the countless medical procedures he's had to endure.

He died this morning, just before 6 a.m., two days shy of his 15 month birthday. I also learned today Becca is pregnant with her second child. She's had the early risk assessment test done, the same one that first informed her Jasper's heart wasn't well. This baby is as healthy as can be and still, I just can't fathom the weight she must be carrying today. My heart just aches for her and her husband today.

Good night Jasper
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